Friday, 2 May 2008

Mission: Impossible

Greetings and salutations readers. The past few days at the virtual table have been eventful to say the least. My emotions have fluctuated between elation and well, how can I put this elegantly..............FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!! Ok, I will now gather myself and tell you what has occured.............

I played a small session on Wednesday, about 18 hours lol, where I went down to 12 dollars, and up again to 86. I then proceeded to lose everything the next day due to some horror beats.

Now, I can handle bad beats; but when they happen to you EVERY TIME you're in a hand, it becomes a bit hard to take. Don't believe it? Then allow me to put forth my case........

Exhibit 1: The Two Outer - Remember what I said last post about folding bullets pre?? In the muck IC, always in the muck!!

Exhibit 2: The Runner Runner. Oh how I love this one. I tried to calmly communicate with the Sapling after this hand to discover his reasoning. Unfortunately he offered up no explanation. I also discovered later that my 'calm communication' had resulted in a lengthy chat ban.

Exhibit 3: A painful 3 outer . MRSSHMIT344 really should know to fold after a re-raise and a re-e-raise all in. I'm not bitter though, not at all. STUPID BIATCH!!!

Exhibit 4: The Miracle. And to think when he moved all in on me, I was just praying, no paired board, NO PAIRED BOARD!!! Well, at least the Good Lord Baby Jesus finally listened to me lol.

Now, I can only assume that most readers are growing tired with me posting bad beats. I don't want to, believe me; I would love to put in hand after hand where I flop quads, make flushes, river full houses and the like, I really would. But unfortunately, I don't run as hot as some people. No names mentioned ;-).

Due to the ice cold run, I wrote a letter to the good folks/bastards at Party Poker stating that I would never play their site again. So I was astonished, when, the next day I opened my email and saw that they had deposited $50 no strings attached into my account, as they 'valued my loyalty.' Hmmmmm...........

Is this a cunning plan by them to ensure my nervous breakdown. Do they delight in my despair? Or maybe they just sympathise with my plight, and are willing to give the small stakes player a lifeline.

Whatever the case may be, IC is back, back in the game. Time to wreak my revenge. Revenge on all the Fishees who have sucked out, 1 and 2 outed me, and runner-runnered me. They will rue the day they crossed the path of IC_DEADFISH. Haha. Hahaha. HAHAHA. MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA. Man, I need to get out more...........

Quote of the Day - "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

Song of the Day - Debaser - The Pixies

Player of the Day - Gus Hansen (To have 1 percent of his luck would be nice).

Poker Roll - $50

Saturday, 26 April 2008

They Can Dodge Bullets Baby!!!

Murphy's Law states that, 'Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.' Well smack my ass and call me Murphy, as that's exactly whats been happening to me at the cyber felt in the last few days............

I really didn't think my luck could get much worse, but I was wrong, very, very wrong. Every time I pick up a nice starting hand, my initial feeling of happiness is immediately replaced by an immense fear, as I know that some Fish, somehow, will manage to find some runner runner way of breaking my bad boy.

Therefore, when I'm dealt the Weapons of Mass destruction in the small blind, on the bubble might I add, in my 6 dollar SnG, and the short stacked button makes a raise, any ordinary poker player's eyes would light up like a Christmas Tree. But me, I'm a little more sceptical, sceptical that the Party Poker Gods/Riggers have other ideas.........

Anyway I check raise the button all in on a relatively safe flop only for this to happen!!!! And to think I was half tempted to slow roll this piece of sushi into oblivion and torture him with my spiel, giving him some vain hope that I was about to lay my bullets. But NOOOOOO!!!! God Damn Lucky Son of a Mother Fuc.............Where was I?? Oh yes, the lovely fellow managed to make a backdoor straight :-).

Anyone would think that with my huge stack there was no way I was going to bubble, that I was going to comfortably take first, or at the very least, second. Alas, cue some 60-40's that don't go my way, and yet more suckouts, meant I finished in third, putting me on the verge of TILT.

However, being the professional I am, I composed myself and sat down, with some trepidation, at another Sit and Go Table.............

This time I was determined, and picking up very little hands, I managed to hang on and secure a Heads Up confrontation with Tidus 163. I was short stacked and in some trouble when, low and behold, what should I wake up with?? Only Pocket Aces. Woooot wooot!!! I was momentarily dizzy with joy when a feeling of Deja Vu came over me.

Surely it couldn't happen again, surely my hand could hold up one time. I believed so, limping in the small blind to trap. I reel the Fishy in good when he pushes and I insta call with my Bullets. I breathe a sigh of relief when he shows Ace 9 off suit. The flop is 10 3 2 with two diamonds. I quickly scan seeing that he is diamondless and I'm about to congratulate myself with a pat on the back. Hell, I might even crack open a bottle of Diet Coke to celebrate. Then the turn card brings a nine. Ut oh...........

I try and think of any card for the river to bring except a nine. PLEASE GOD. Any card but a nine. So what am I thinking of?? Of course I'm thinking of a nine, a BIG FAT MAHOOSIVE NINE. 12 other cards to choose from and its all I can think of!!! Then the river comes.............

I would like to say I handled myself in a cool, calm and collected manner. But of course the reality was very different. If this was a live game I definitely would have given him more than the evil eye. I was $$$teaming and almost threw the laptop out of the window. Needless to say that was as much as I could handle and have not ventured back to the tables since. Maybe after this entry I will........... And if I get dealt Pocket Rockets I am not even thinking twice, they are going straight in the muck, not even tempted to play them, no chance on God's Green Earth.............. Then again........... ;-).

Quote of the Day - "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." (Brooke Shields).

Player of the Day - Phil Hellmuth (Who else)?

Song of the Day - Misread - Kings of Convenience

Poker Roll - $72

Friday, 25 April 2008

I Have The Best Luck!!

Friends, Romans, Bloggers; and of course Fish everywhere, welcome to my blog...........

In this blog I will dazzle you with my play (ahem), entertain you with my links, and of course show you the many, many, many, MANY bad beats I attain in even a short session of poker.

What is it with the Aquarium dwellers? Do they realise how unlucky I am, thus calling off their whole stack on the smallest of miracles knowing they will suck out. Or do they have some kind of Sapling ESP which means they know what 4th and 5th Street will bring? Anyway, this didn't stop me from logging on to the totally fair, unrigged site of Party Poker. Oh how I love PP.

Today I played my usual 3 table set up (two 6 dollar SH sit and go's, and 1 table nl 25 cash). I managed to build up a nice stack of around 40 dollars at my cash table, buying in for 10 dollars when I was dealt pocketo trays in the big blind. Now after a raise and a re raise I usually call here, but due to the size of my roll and the fact that I hit almost as many flops as Sandy Lyle hits 3 pointers, I decided to play tight and put them in the muck..........RAINDANCE!!!!

It turned out to be a good fold pre, as the fish had Pocket Sluts and American Airlines, but not such a good fold after the flop........ God Damn Quadriceps!!!It was after this hand that I thought maybe my luck was changing. Maybe the Poker Gods were allowing me to hit some hands, maybe just maybe, the coldest run of my life was about to get a little bit warmer..........

This seemed to be true when only after a few hands in my SnG I manage to flop the Devil with a set of 666s. Now, I check raise the flop only double hoping the Fish has an over pair. He flat calls and the turn puts an 8 out there. I move all in, as knowing my luck, he will make a back door straight or even hit his 2 outer on the river.

Well he didn't manage to do this on the river as the God Damn Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch had already his 2 outer on the turn with Trip Snowmen melting my Beelzebub!!!! WTF??? I don't blame him for flat calling my double the bet and hitting hit his 2 outer on the turn, but I really do lol.Anyway that hand crippled me and I was left with a mahoosive 210 chipolatas.

Now, being the genius I am, I of course fought back and was able to get my stack to just under 3000 :-). Then this happened!!! As you will notice its the same God Damn Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch who 2 outed me previously. Needless to say said Fish now has a note on him which reads, and I quote, 'God Damn Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch' and in brackets (REVENGE).

Anyway readers, I will now return to the cyber felt, horseshoe in hand, 4 leaf clover in my pocket and of course with my lucky Gus Hansen boxers adorning my lower body, in the vain hope that it will give me some luck thus avoiding my inevitable nervous breakdown haha. I love the game really, or at least I think so............

Quote of the Day - "It is white." — George Bush, after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

Player of the Day - Mike Matusow

Song of the Day - Cavern - Liquid Liquid

Original Poker Deposit (27th March 2008) - $70
Cashed Out - $370
Poker Roll - $57